During yesterday’s meeting the boss mentioned that our unpaid salary and bonus will be paid, when we have enough money, maybe in April when we receive the other half of high interest loan. Personally I don’t think paying the money will do any good to the company, and eventually it may harm ourselves, since if the company can not move on, everyone, including me, will be disappointed. However, as I’m involved in this, I’m not willing to give up the money I’m supposed to receive. And asking for the money will make me look like as if I don’t care about the company and everyone else’s future, especially when I’m the one speaking out for a few of us. So now I’m caught in a dilemma: I’m not willing to give up the potential short term benefits, which in turn may jeopardize my long term gains.
And the reason for this is that I’m different from others; I care about short-term gains while others can afford not to. And that’s why I feel helpless. I can not expect anyone to help me get things done; I’m on my own. And even if I stand up for myself and gain some short-term benefits for others, they will accept them without appreciating my efforts.
I’m completely trapped, by myself, with my colleagues’ help of standing away from me — neither stopping nor encouraging me and neither refusing nor appreciating my favor — and I didn’t even know how I entered the trap in the first place.