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Tag: Life

Imposter Syndrome

Published 2018/10/09 by Daoyuan Li

Internet is a good thing: it allows us to see and experience things that were not possible decades ago. On the other hand, it’s sometimes also overwhelming. When I see capable people doing amazing stuff on the Internet, very often I feel I’m not worth of what people think I am. Occasionally I thought it’s because I’m shy and I’m usually not comfortable fully expressing my thoughts. In other occasions I’m simply not patiently enough to argue otherwise.

But it’s not just me. A lot of people are experiencing the same feeling and I’m starting to realize that I may be suffering from the imposter syndrome. After all, after so many years my personality has changed a lot. I’m no longer shy. I’m much more confident than I was. And I’m also a more capable person so I deserve a better life. It doesn’t feel right to be satisfied with what I’m getting. I’m better than that!

Meeting with people confirms that. There are a lot of people pretending to be expert in something and it seems they are enjoying quite a lot, although I can spot right on that they’re not what they believe they are. They’re not ashamed, why should I feel bad for myself? I’m much better a person than those real imposters, of course I deserve better things!

It’s more than a year since I wrote a blog post last time. A lot has happened during the past year. After years of depressing research career, I’ve published in a good conference and successfully defended my PhD. I’ve started working (again) in the industry. I’ve also found a long term direction that should keep me busy in the next five years. We’ve also got our foothold in Luxembourg, although there remains a lot to complete, it’s a good starting point. I’ll try to blog more often about what’s happening in my life, just to keep track of my thoughts and experiences, so that I can look back to them later and say “boy, I didn’t know I was so naïve a while ago.”

I’ve also updated my blog theme and fixed the HTTPS issue with WordPress and Cloudflare: I only needed to install the CloudFlare Flexible SSL plugin and enable “Automatic HTTPS Rewrites” on Cloudflare. Now the website feels more responsive and neater. That’s a good starting point to (re)start blogging!

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Luxembourg at first glance

Published 2015/01/21 by Daoyuan Li

Now it’s been two weeks since I arrived at Luxembourg. In general the experience has been positive, except that it’s been raining for a consecutive of ten days and snowing for the rest days. It’s a bit humid, but not to the extend that I should complain. At least the air is free of smoke and particles.

It’s quite where I live, although it’s just fifteen minutes walk to the old town as well as the railway station. Almost everything is in walking distance, supermarkets, banks, hospitals, schools, government offices,Asian markets. There’s also a police school just 200 meters away. I suppose it’s a safe neighborhood.

Work is also nice, though one has to be self-motivated. Coworkers are extremely nice, but many of them prefer speaking French, which I believe is good for me since I’d like to pick up the language. I already applied for a university language course. There’s also opportunities to meet great minds. This morning there was a distinguished lecture, where one professor talked about privacy in internet using big data.

The startup business is going slowly but according to the plan. Office isn’t too far away and fits our purpose. Orders for office computers are placed this evening and we can start the real work shortly. It’s good to have someone supporting the business, with both funding and experience.

One thing brothers me is that the washing machine is broken and it’s talking forever to fix it. The agent promises anything but I’ve now learned to be wiser and not to believe her words.

Life is much easier when you have someone helping you out. For that I’m extremely grateful for the help I received from my friend.

And I miss my girlfriend. It’s a journey we’ve chosen together, and there has to be temporary sacrifices for a better tomorrow. So for now just follow what we’ve planned. I believe we’re heading for the better.

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《活着》的信念

Published 2012/12/23 by Daoyuan Li

之前看过电影，但对电影情节一点印象都没有了，所以现在再来看书的时候就像是新拿到一本小说一样，一口气看完之后才慢慢回忆起之前电影里面的一些场景。一个人活着，信念是最重要的，对福贵也好，对少年Pi也一样，这个信念的产生并不需要有前提诱因，也不需要有情操来支持它，它是每个人与生俱来的。活着的信念本身是卑微的，关键时刻产生的继续生存下去的动力却是其它信念无法比拟的。

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像孩子一样委屈

Published 2012/10/07 by Daoyuan Li

常说随着孩子越长越大，父母会越来越像孩子，这话一点都不假。回国之前母亲常在电话里缠着我给她讲我每天周遭的事情，有时候她还会小孩子般的耍耍无赖。现在回来了，跟母亲在一起，发现老人真的是越长越像孩子。

昨天母亲做了一桌丰盛的饭菜，其中有一盘鱼，结果她吃了一口就不小心被鱼刺卡住了喉咙。喝醋无效之下我陪她去了医院，医生让她张嘴放松以便检查鱼刺位置，但是她却一直很紧张。我看着她紧张而无助，医生一次次提高嗓门让她放松，却不知道怎么安慰她。

今天晚上批评她做事的方式，我说话的方式不对，说得她闷闷不乐的，让我也不知如何是好。

大人跟孩子的关系果真是马上就要颠倒了，一些东西，它怎么来就怎么走。小时候收到了关爱呵护，现在需要同样返还；彼时付出了心血，也适时回收了。

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Beautiful world

Published 2011/03/15 by Daoyuan Li

Now we are starting to have positive temperatures here. The weather is just gorgeous everyday. The breeze is fresh; the sky is clear; the sun is shining. You feel warm inside out. You can clearly see how people are smiling: their brows flying upward and eyes narrowed — that’s how you smile under the sunshine, isn’t it? You could even see reflection of bright teeth once in a while. It’s just as cozy
as one could possibly imagine.

The snow starts to melt but the roads are still slippery and reflexive. Even so it doesn’t stop people coming out doing exercises and enjoying life. All kinds of people, old or young, chubby or skinny, are jogging or doing Nordic walking in tights. Though at times you can notice white steam coming out of people’s mouths, it doesn’t make you feel chilly. Instead you get a burning feeling as if you have joint them doing exercises; it’s like
there’s a flow of energy inside you trying very hard to burst out.

The French guy across the corridor has already started wearing shorts. The first thing he said when he saw me was: “Its hot!” As a matter of fact, it is, since inside the office it was around 30 degrees. And as the sunshine flows inside, you feel it’s already summer time.

I opened the window, fresh air pours in. Closing my eyes, I could feel the cool air moving from my cheek to the neck. It’s just
amazing.

All of a sudden you hear birds singing; they are not owls; it’s like canaries’ chirps up from paradise. I looked out trying to figure out where the little spirits were, but with no success. Maybe they are in paradise; you never know. I’ll just leave them alone, enjoying their divine melodies with a grateful heart.

What a wonderful world. 

P.S. I have to admit it’s damn hard to write a descriptive essay; this is the best I could come up
with right now.

P.S.2. I love Louis Armstrong’s “What a wonderful world”.

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有锅一族

Published 2011/02/15 by Daoyuan Li

今天出门的时候感觉比较冷，到了公司发现温度计上赫然显示着零下二十九度…头一次发现赫尔辛基的温度计也可以这么吓人，孟加拉同学还专门跑到我办公室，一脸兴奋的告诉我外面有多少度…

不知道是不是天气太冷的缘故，今天头一直一阵一阵的疼，每过几分钟就有一种有人那针刺大脑的感觉。一天就看了一篇报告。不过学校的论文模板很给力，我就记了三段话的笔记，生成pdf后就有一页了，比用ieee会议的双栏排版有成就感多了…

导师度假去了，又没有硬性规定任务，加之头痛难忍，加之没吃早饭午饭…理由真多啊…我就早退了…

进入正题。我去买了厨具，成为了一名有电饭锅的新时代男人。到芬兰半年多了，今天头一次做饭给自己吃，都是眼泪啊…哥也有今天啊…

正题完毕，谢谢围观。

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傲雪凌霜

Published 2010/12/15 by Daoyuan Li

最近很忙，有一种所有东西都压过来的感觉。虽然只有两门考试，但是由于平时学的不认真，只有临时抱佛脚；毕设依然未定，不过这两天四个面试，这频率也太高了点。

明天回家，不知道一年半之后回到家会有什么样的感觉，不知父母头上有没有新添银丝……但是我又不敢想的太多，因为我怕自己回到家的时候亲人已经认不出我了，我还是一年前的那个我吗？我自己也没有答案。既期待，又恐慌，索性不想了。

收拾东西，打包搬家，发现自己东西竟然多了不少，看来有一点要安定下来的味道了。只是明年的住房问题还没解决，估计回来之后会居无定所好一阵子。

不管怎样，问题总会解决的，一切顺其自然。冬天会走，春天会来，我要像松柏一样，傲雪凌霜，矗立在那里，守候春天的第一缕暖阳。

其实我不知道这棵树是什么树……

明天的两个面试是今年最后的战役了，相信自己能行的！

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