Another Mid-Autumn Festival

Five years ago I wrote “Lonely as the moon” in my blog during my last year of master’s study, feeling lonely, confused and frustrated due to the study, insufficient hope of finding a job, and most importantly, not having someone by my side whom I can talk with and listen to. I prayed to the moon in hope of finding a girlfriend, and magically it worked within a few months. Now that this girlfriend has become my wife, the emptiness still rises from deep inside.

I’ve never foreseen this coming. I thought distance wouldn’t matter to loving hearts. Maybe not much, but little by little things can go from bad to worse. Today I really felt threatened. It made me horrified to just think about the one I love could leave me, and that not living together opens harmful uncertainties. I wish I had communicated more and made her happier. I wish I had continued my job in Finland so that she didn’t have to go back to China. I wish I had appreciated her love earlier so that she doesn’t think I’m still as stubborn as I used to be. I wish I had given her everything. I wish I had focused on solving currently problems and hadn’t thought about our future plans too pessimistically.

Now I have a more clear goal: just to keep her happy and feel being loved by me. I’m going to fixed what I’ve screwed up. I’ll talk equally without judgements and listen with appreciation. Offer to help but not mandate. Become more attractive, supportive, romantic, confident and cheerful. Make more money or at least explain the plans and follow them up. Care about her and let her know to make her secure. Love her. Create a family atmosphere for us.

She is my wife and I’m her man.

Today the moon is as bright as it was five years ago. I’m sure it has heard me well.

Almost hit by an asshole driver

Here’s the complaint to the police. The time should be around 14h30 on Sunday, 7th June 2015. Fuck you, asshole!

Dear Sir or Madam,

I was almost hit by a car on the zebra line yesterday.

At around 2h30 on Sunday, 7th June 2015, I was crossing Rue Edward Steichen next to Rue Joseph Hackin in Kirchberg towards Kirchberg Hospital. When I was in the middle of the zebra line, a white car came from west to east towards me. It didn’t slow down. I had to jump back two steps to avoid it and it missed me by just a few centimeters. The driver looked at me with a “cool” look from the window and then speeded up and drove away. The car didn’t even stop. The driver said nothing to me, leaving me terrified, astonished and speechless in the road.

The car is a white Audi, not very new. The Luxembourgish plate number could be KA7805 but I’m not totally sure. The drive is a white man around 30 years old.

Hope you’re able to find out the driver warn him about his extremely aggressive driving style.

Thank you.

With great expectations come great disappointment

Yesterday it was SnT Partnership Day and almost everyone in SnT was present at the event. We had to, because it was meant to be SnT’s “major” event for publicity. Besides SnT staff, current and potential partners, investors and government officials were also there. The program looked good on paper: keynote speaker from Fraunhofer, student demos and posters, round-table discussions on innovation and tech-transfer, and so on. I also expected the event to be great, only to find myself disappointed after the event.

The event was not well organized. Schedule was not well followed. After the morning coffee break people remained “networking” outside the conference room while speakers on stage talked with low volume. Students were told to leave the table for guests but there are not enough table for neither guests or students. I guess only “important” people eat sitting.

I was especially disappointed at the round-table discussion. For the first half-hour the host slowly introduced the guests, making jokes that are not funny at all. And for the remaining half-hour six guests were asked one or two questions and there didn’t seem to be any insightful or in-depth discussions. I could have done better than that.

And for the posters, it worked as I had expected: we wasted time preparing for it and few people actually cared about it. And in fact I didn’t care either. Posters are certainly not my favourite dish.

This makes me sad. Whenever I expect something great, it will almost certainly disappoint me. I suppose I’m not good at expectation management at all. The solution to this issue is, of course, “I don’t care (about the results)”. However, this is also dangerous. Not caring about certain things is fine, but one cannot care about nothing. There is always something one lives up for.

It’s funny how expectations work on us. If we have low or no expectations, we don’t care what might happen and we don’t feel motivated about things better. In this case things won’t get better because no efforts are made. On the other hand, when we expects too much, the results often fail us. We feel more pressed and more nervous. And then we doubt ourselves and feel depressed.

It’s difficult to manage our own expectations, yet more so when it comes to managing others’ expectations on you. Expectations are not static and constant. They grow when you meet others’ expectations and they’re lowered when you don’t. Neither is good for you. When expectations grow, there will definitely be a day when you’re not able to fulfil them, despite how hard you try and how much pressure you receive. When expectations are lowered on you, this means people are already getting disappointed and you’re going to lose opportunities. From a longterm perspective, it might be good to only slightly meet or fail the expectations, so that they don’t grow exponentially but instead together with your capability. Sustainability is the key.

Having said that, it might even worthwhile trying failing expectations every now and then, so that you’re able to get a hold of other’s expectations, instead of the other way round. It will be painful, but that’s the only way I’m aware of.

To sum up, the key really is about living your true self. What others expect from you should only have minimum impact on you. Let them manage their own expectations on you and why should you worry about it?

Luxembourg at first glance

Now it’s been two weeks since I arrived at Luxembourg. In general the experience has been positive, except that it’s been raining for a consecutive of ten days and snowing for the rest days. It’s a bit humid,but not to the extend that I should complain. At least the air is free of smoke and particles.

It’s quite where I live, although it’s just fifteen minutes walk to the old town as well as the railway station. Almost everything is in walking distance, supermarkets, banks, hospitals, schools, government offices,Asian markets. There’s also a police school just 200 meters away. I suppose it’s a safe neighborhood.

Work is also nice, though one has to be selfmotivated. Coworkers are extremely nice, but many of them prefer speaking French, which I believe is good for me since I’d like to pick up the language. I already applied for a university language course. There’s also opportunities to meet great minds. This morning there was a distinguished lecture, where one professor talked about privacy in internet using big data.

The startup business is going slowly but according to the plan. Office isn’t too far away and fits our purpose. Orders for office computers are placed this evening and we can start the real work shortly. It’s good to have someone supporting the business, with both funding and experience.

One thing brothers me is that the washing machine is broken and it’s talking forever to fix it. The agent promises anything but I’ve now learned to be wiser and not to believe her words.

Life is much easier when you have someone helping you out. For that I’m extremely grateful for the help I received from my friend.

And I miss my girlfriend. It’s a journey we’ve chosen together, and there has to be temporary sacrifices for a better tomorrow. So for now just follow what we’ve planned. I believe we’re heading for the better.